Best Friend Jacob!

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 12:06:36 GMT

At his summer home in central California.

With possible abductees/accomplices known only as Adam B and MDM.

With possible abductee/accomplice Adam B.

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 11:39:11 GMT

OMG, so bestfriendjacob is being held hostage by Britney Spears!!!

He got left in the car after I got home from our trip over the 4th of July and today I got this email:

From : Britney Jean <i_like_girls_britney@yahoo.com>
Sent : Friday, July 9, 2004 1:49 AM
To : kabensi@hotmail.com
Subject : Best Friend Jacob

Jacob is my new bitch!

Bring me exactly 78 coffee bean decaf lattes and a pair of superman underwear or I will make him more than a woman!

Delivery instructions to follow, be ready!

crack!! (whip)

Obviously, Britney is a professional and way out of my league. So I called for help and the Slut City Beach Patrol took on my case.

From: "SCBP" <slutcitybp@toosexyforyou.com>
To: <i_like_girls_britney@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: Best Friend Jacob
Date: Fri, 9 Jul 2004 05:51:25 -0500

Listen up, Britney! There are forces in this world sluttier than you! Just because you are a pop star who made out with Madonna doesn’t mean you can go kidnapping world famous choreographers! We’re on to you, bitch!!123!!

Sincerest regards,

Officer Nargebarge
SCBP

I have confidence that the SCBP will handle this matter with the utmost professionalism.

SUPERSTAR!

Mon, 19 Jan 2004 00:12:50 GMT

Sorry for the lack in updates. Jacob's been very busy since the holidays.

Jacob teaches Britney the new choreography
while Callisto stands in for Madonna.

Zed card, schmed card.

Wed, 31 Dec 2003 06:03:02 GMT

Jacob is currently one of the most sought after male models of the contemporary fashion industry.

Jacob's IN THE ZONE!

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 23:07:08 GMT

You will NEVER guess what happened...

Okay, so Jacob's old friend/pop nemesis...

BRITNEY SPEARS! stopped by today.
I know. You can stop hyperventilating.

Callisto was in TOTAL SHOCK,

because she's a HUGE Britney fan.

So... things are totally great, and just like old times when Brit and Jake were in MMC together (YES! Jacob was a Mousketeer.), when suddenly, Sporty made a comment about Britney and Madonna "getting it on".

And Britney totally flipped out!

She was a RAGE MACHINE!

But Jacob, the peacemaker that he is, took Britney aside and they
had a talk. They talked about life, and love, and repressed sexuality.

And after a while, he helped Britney come to terms with her lesbianism,
saying "It's okay to be gay... especially with Madonna."

He's so wise.

After that, she and Sporty made up/out.

And the world was safe again. Because it was in danger. For a minute. Seriously. Think about it. A pissed off Pop Diva? Total wrath. Pink, glittery wrath. But wrath, nonetheless.

Amen.

He's mega talented!

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 18:16:44 GMT

Jacob is a trained professional in MANY areas.

He's a dance instructor. Sporty totally got all her moves from him.

He's an excellent stylist. Kyan from Queer Eye is ALWAYS calling for beauty tips. Can you keep a secret? Jacob thinks Kyan is super cute.

He's also a superb host. He never forgets that Callisto likes lots of extra sugar in her tea.

Hangin' out.

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 17:57:23 GMT

Jacob is totally fun. He has all kinds of friends.

He hangs out with superheros and pop stars. He's so cool.

But sometimes...

...the girls get carried away, and he doesn't know what to do with them.

Ladies and germs...

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 17:42:06 GMT

...meet Jacob.

He's my best friend. It said so on the package.

Jacob is a model and a great listener.